Of Regrets and Longing
by March Rosenqueen
Summary: There comes a time in life where you have to accept and move on, hope and never look back, smile and forget the pain. And most importantly, love and let go. Since the time she realized that everything won't be the same again between them, Tetsumi had tried to forget and move on; no matter how hard it is for her. After all, she had made her decision. AominexFem!Kuroko


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kuroko no Basuke. If I do, surely it will be filled with lots of yaoi in it!

**Warning:** AU. Spoilers to Chapter 113, set during Winter Cup. OOC (it happens in this story). There will be a gender bending too in this story, so if you feel bothered by it; I suggest you leave now. Unbeta, so beware of some mistakes and errors the authoress made.

**Genre:** Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Drama, Romance

**Pairings:** AominexFem!Kuroko, Slight AkashixFem!Kuroko

"..." for memories in Italic

'...' thought in Italic

And "..." present time

* * *

**-Of Regrets and Longing-**

* * *

_Missing you isn't what hurts…_

_It's knowing that I once had you, that breaks my heart…_

* * *

She was sitting on her usual place at the roof with her back leaning against the white wall behind her. She closed her eyes and let the breeze blew passed her. She was enjoying the feel of the slightly cool breeze against her skin as she hummed the melody of a song she had just heard some hours ago. It was peaceful here and she likes it. It's been a while since the last time she can get a quiet peaceful time for herself, what's with all the busy schedules they have. So, it was quite a blessing for her to have this little moment for herself.

The feel of the wind against her skin always brings her back to those memories from one year ago. One particular memory which she unable to forget. If only she can forget it easily, there's no need for her to struggle with it every time she is alone. She shook her head slightly as if by doing so can keep her mind away from drowning in the past, which is quite futile as her mind refused to forget about it.

Clear blue eyes looked up towards the grey sky silently; finally giving up from trying to stay away from her past memories. After all, there is no use on doing that; knowing that she will eventually recall it later whether she wants to or not. She can still remember it vividly. The sound of the rain against the pavement, the feel of the slight chill of wind against her skin, their breathe which come out in a form of little white smoke; it was as if it just happened yesterday although it had happened a year ago. Still, whenever she closed her eyes and think about it, she still can recall everything that had happened on that day.

* * *

_They have once again practiced until late that night. The others have all went home, leaving the only two of them in the gym. But even that didn't stop them from continuing their practice until there is no energy left within them. It was a habit, one that the two of them have come to develop since they got close with each other. And none of them mind it, as they found the camaraderie which none of them found in other people except from each other._

_It was raining so hard that night, hence the reason why the other regulars refused to stay late for practice. And although Akashi had offered her to go back with him, she refused the redhead politely as she felt she still want to play for some hours before went back home. Thus, the reason why she was still in the gym with only Aomine. The tanned young man had stayed with her for extra practice since he always accompanies her with her practice no matter how long it is._

_It was only when none of them have any energies left, did they decided to go back. Once she had changed her clothes, she approached the dark blue haired teen who had been waiting patiently for her at the outside of the gym. "Aomine-kun," She called out her friend's attention as the said teen was lost in his own thought._

_Aomine was startled at the sound of her voice, as he jumped a little, his hand fisted his shirt where his chest is. No matter how many times she had done it, Aomine never get used to with his light blue haired friend's habit which can appear out of nowhere. "Tetsu! Stop doing that!" He grumbled once he had regained his breath._

"_I've called you so many times before, but you don't hear me." The light blue haired girl pointed out calmly, her expression stay impassive like always._

"_Ugh-...Just makes some noises or whatever. One of these days that habit of yours can make someone get a heart-attack,"_

"_But Aomine-kun is perfectly healthy so there is no chance he will get any heart-attack. Let's go back; the rain doesn't look like it's going to stop soon." The smaller of the two stated as she tugged on her friend's shirt lightly._

_The dark blue haired teen sighed exasperatedly at the reply, knowing full well that he won't win against the girl beside him. He scratched the back of his head lightly; sapphire blue eyes looked sheepishly at the smaller teen. "Uh...Do you bring any umbrella? I forgot to bring mine,"_

_Clear blue eyes blinked once before she rummaged her bag to get her umbrella. The only sign which indicated that she was indeed brought her umbrella with her that day. It wasn't a surprise to her if Aomine forgot to bring something, the Ace always forgetful anyway. Basketball is the only thing that the tanned boy never forgets which is to be expected from him, remembering the fact that the other was a basketball lover as much as her._

"_You have to remember to bring yours once of these days, Aomine-kun. You can't always expect me to bring one," The smaller teen said without changing her expression, her voice still held that same monotone tone she always used whenever she is speaking._

"_I know, I know. But it's easier to ask you to bring it since you remember about it more than me," He grumbled while waving his hand dismissively._

_She said nothing to that statement, as what the other had said was true. Still, it doesn't mean that she agreed with this behavior of his. She just chose to ignore it for now; knowing that it will be futile to argue with the young man about it. They walked out of the school ground together; Aomine was holding her umbrella while she stayed close to him to avoid the rain._

_The walk back to their home was spent in a comfortable silence, something that none of them want to break. It's not often for them to get such a quiet atmosphere; but although it's not a usual occurrence, Aomine didn't find the atmosphere suffocating him. So he chose to stay silent while listening to the pitter patter sound of the rain. _

"_-re going to choose?" She asked after some moments, snapping him out of his musings. He turned to look at her questioningly; sapphire blue eyes looked sheepishly at the inquired look on the smaller teen's face._

"_Sorry, what did you say?"_

"_I asked you, what high school you're going to choose, Aomine-kun." The light blue haired girl repeated once again without any hint of anger or exasperation on her face._

"_Oh. I haven't thought about it. But no matter where it is, you have to come with me. After all, your basketball works with mine the best." He smiled widely; sapphire blue eyes stared at her with the same intensity it usually held whenever they play with each other in the court._

_In all her life, it was probably the first time that Aomine had managed to surprise her. And somehow, deep within her heart; Tetsumi found she didn't mind this kind of surprise. Because although she never really shows it, she enjoyed every times she spent with the tanned boy. She likes playing with him, to see that happy expression on his face whenever she passed the ball to him; she loved every single moment they spent together. And to think that Aomine wants to continue this particular thing between them even in high school was something that she didn't mind a bit. So she gave him her smile, her first smile which hopefully will show him how much his offer makes her happy._

_That was probably the first time for Aomine to see such an expression on the other's usually impassive face. It is not a particularly wide smile, but it is still noticeable against the girl face. As it is probably the most emotion he has ever seen from the deadpan girl, whose clear blue eyes are radiant with happiness and something else that he didn't dare to hope for. Her pale cheeks are flushed slightly with a tinge of pink which he can't help but think really suit her. That time, Aomine thinks that her expression was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen in his life._

_He didn't remember what is it that had pushed him; but whatever it is, he had this sudden urge to close the gap between them and kiss her. And because he always follows his instinct, he leaned down towards her and kissed her softly without any hesitation. The kiss was a short one, but somehow it felt like it took a long time for both of them before Aomine finally pulled away from her and gave her a small hesitant smile. _

"_Come on; let's go home before you catch a cold." He said slowly as he tugged her hand in his. Tetsumi said nothing to reply him though; she did let him hold her hand at that time and followed him as he walked them home. That day was probably one of the happiest moments she ever had in her life._

* * *

Then it comes to their third year in the Middle School. It was unnoticeable at first but slowly, she can't help but notice that none of them enjoyed playing basketball anymore. The basketball which all of them used to love and enjoy was nothing but a mere tool to crush their opponent until they hate it as much as the five of them came to hate it. There was time when Tetsumi thought that no one can defeat Aomine in his love towards playing basketball but as she looked at the tanned player now, what reflected back to her eyes was no one but someone who found the game a mere chore.

It saddened her to see him became like that. But, what hurts her the most was the fact that he had forgotten his words towards her which told her that he wants to play basketball with her no matter what. Because although he didn't say it directly to her, Tetsumi can see it. She can see how he didn't need her to be by his side anymore as he grew stronger and stronger than before. It pained her so much to see him changed the most until it came to the point where she started to hate basketball too.

It was only when Akashi approached her in one evening after their practice ended, did Tetsumi found a small flicker of hope within herself which told her that maybe she can still do something to make them love the basketball again. The red haired captain had asked her about her choice for high school. That time, she still hadn't decided which school she wanted to go since there is no way that she will go to the same school as Aomine, now the dark blue haired teen had changed. So, she told him the truth that she hadn't decided it yet.

Akashi had been surprisingly calm about it, as if the heterochromatic eyed teen had expected her to give him that kind of answer. That's why, when the captain asked her to come with him to the same high school; Tetsumi was bewildered. She didn't know how to react to that offer. It's true that Akashi was the first one who noticed her talent and made her a part of regulars alongside with the others, still she never expects the red haired teen to value her that much until he asked her to come with him.

The only answer he had given to her when she asked him about it was his belief that everyone is replaceable except for her. Because she was irreplaceable thus he wants her to come with him. Tetsumi didn't know if his answer that day meant something more than one which related with her abilities; but in the end, she chose to go with him.

After all, it's not like she had any plan in her mind. And even though Akashi wasn't someone she is comfortable with, at least the red haired teen always honest towards her. Although his words were rather hurting as well sometimes, still he was never once to give her a false hope or false dream. Because whenever he said something, he said it because he believed in it. And that was something Tetsumi needs, because she is a Shadow.

Only when the light shines its brightest, does the darker the shadow becomes, and the more it accentuates the brightness of the light. And for Tetsumi, Akashi was a light which won't ever get dim under any circumstances. Because he had and still has a strong winners-mentality, thinking that winners get everything in life and losers are denied everything. In contrast to this philosophy, he doesn't care for winning at all. He thinks that winning for him is a given and has so lost the feeling of victory.

And because of this, Tetsumi knows that whenever Akashi plays, he will always give all his best. Because he doesn't care about winning and that in itself was enough for Tetsumi. She doesn't care about winning. For her it was enough as long as the person she plays with gives their best. Which is something that Aomine had long forgotten to do as he grows stronger.

* * *

The sound of the door being opened was lost to her as she was too busy with her own memories. It was only when she felt a hand upon her shoulder, did she turn and see the intruder. Clear blue eyes locked with heterochromatic eyes, as the owner of the said eyes stared at her in clear amusement.

"Tetsumi, everyone had been ready to go." He stated calmly, mismatched eyes looked at her patiently.

"Ah… I'm sorry. Let's go," She said apologetically though her face remained expressionless.

"You're thinking about him again," He said bluntly after some moments of silence between them.

"It doesn't matter. It was in the past…" Tetsumi replied, shaking her head lightly at the statement.

The red haired teen said nothing to her though his eyes followed her movement silently. Tetsumi knows that Akashi didn't believe the answer she gave to him but it was okay because she doesn't believe it either. It was the only way for her to reassure herself that what had happened was in the past, for her to reassure herself that _he_ doesn't matter anymore for her. Although the fact said the otherwise, it was enough as long as Akashi doesn't push her further to give him the exact answer.

Besides, Akashi's presences always managed to comfort her even though the red haired man said nothing to reassure her. Tetsumi knows that he was there and it was enough for her. Because Akashi was always there whenever she needs him and it comforts her to know that he won't leave her. That's why, what the other had done was enough for her.

It was only when they have finally arrived; Akashi told her that he had contacted all the other Generation of Miracles to meet up after the opening ceremony. To say that Tetsumi was surprised with the sudden exclamation was understandable. She knows for sure that Akashi never done anything without any reason behind it. That's why, to know that he had contacted the other Generation of Miracles to meet up means there is something that the red haired teen wants to say to them.

"It's fine, isn't it? After all, it's been a while since we last seen them. I'm sure you miss them too. Besides, this meeting won't take long." Akashi told her after looking at the flicker of anxiety within her clear blue eyes. After some years with the light blue haired girl, Akashi had grown used to with the girl's deadpan expression and had been more understanding of the girl's feeling despite her expressionless face.

Tetsumi says nothing to reply him; her mind had been too busy thinking of every possibilities of what will happen once she sees the tanned player again. No matter how many times she reassure herself that Aomine Daiki doesn't mean anything for her, it still doesn't change the fact that the dark blue haired ace still held a certain place in her heart. And no matter how much she wants to deny it, she knows that when she sees Aomine again later; she will probably lose herself in their past memories.

She was anxious to see him but at the same time, she wants nothing more than just run away and avoids meeting him. Though, it doesn't matter what she wants anyway because in the end; she has no choice except to come along with Akashi. The heterochromatic eyed teen never once to be defied anyway so there is no way that Tetsumi will defy him only because of her selfishness which refused to face her past.

If Akashi knows what she is thinking, the man was rather understanding on not asking her about it. Though he did look at her every once in a while, as if to make sure that she hasn't run away. But it was fine for her as long as he doesn't ask her that particular question. Because she doesn't know what answer she should given to him if the former captain of Generation of Miracles decided to ask her that question.

When they finally arrived, the other have all gathered which is to be expected as Akashi always arrives a little late than them. After all, he was their former captain so his words were law for them. Everyone looked particularly the same except for some little changes which is not really noticeable if one doesn't look close enough. But Tetsumi had known all of them since middle school and she even had been close to some of them, so it was rather easy to say what had changed from them.

"Sorry. I've kept you waiting," Akashi said calmly, with no hint of remorse at all.

"Sorry for the wait..." Tetsumi said apologetically after the redheaded point guard. She was standing behind Akashi, clear blue eyes take in each of her former teammates' expression.

Their first reaction upon seeing her was surprise which is understandable as none of them knows about her choice in high school except for Akashi and probably Murasakibara. But the taller guy probably never says anything about it if Akashi had asked him to do so. That's why; it's really easy for her to accept their surprise look upon seeing her with Akashi. But then, it was their second reaction which she found rather hard to accept since most of them have different reaction towards the fact that she had joined the same school as Akashi.

"Kurokocchi! Why you didn't tell me that you decided to go to the same school as Akashicchi?" The blond model whined out.

"So you decided to go with Akashi. It's to be expected, I think." Midorima stated calmly as he adjusted his glasses with his right hand.

"It's been a while," She nodded her head at them in greeting while refusing to answer Kise's question towards her. Kise and Midorima's reactions were something that she had expected. Knowing those two won't mind about her choice on going to the same school as Akashi. They accept it easily.

It was Aomine's reaction which she found hard to see which is something that she had expected. The dark blue haired teen had looked shocked at seeing her there with their former captain. But before Tetsumi can look at it further, that expression had quickly disappear from his face.

"Tetsu... I don't know that you have became Akashi's chaperone," Aomine scoffed once he had regained back his composure.

"Mine-chin has Sa-cchin as a chaperone too." Murasakibara piped while he eats his chocolate bars.

"Hey, leave Satsuki out of this." Aomine snapped, feeling rather agitated at the comeback.

"Tetsumi isn't my chaperone, Daiki. She is simply here because I asked her to. She is my team manager and my teammates," Akashi smiled at the dark blue haired player. Somehow the smile on his face look more creepy than friendly for their liking as they gulped.

"Kuro-chin, are you going to play too?" Murasakibara asked the only female member in there, breaking the tense atmosphere which suddenly surrounded them.

"I'm not sure. It depends..." She answered briefly, before her clear blue eyes locked with sapphire blue eyes once again. Tetsumi knows that Aomine was looking at her, she can feels his gaze on her even when she averted her gaze away from him. The dark blue haired ace had been looking at her intensely since she appeared with Akashi and Tetsumi knows that Aomine was itching to ask something towards her. Fortunately for her, Akashi had started to speak again before she can even ask Aomine about it.

"Daiki. Ryota. Shintaro. Atsushi. I'm happy to see you again. The fact that we're all gathered here... is very touching." Akashi told them though his expression doesn't looked like one who is touched instead, the way he had said it was as if they were talking about the weather.

"Is that all you wanted to say? You made us come just to tell us that?" Aomine glared at the red haired point guard heatedly.

"Nah...actually, I wanted to check one thing. But looking at everyone's faces made me realize it's not necessary. Since it seems like no one has forgotten our oath back then. So, it's all good. The next time we'll meet will be in battle." The former captain of Teikou's middle school replied calmly, his ruby and gold eyes looked at each of their expression analytically before he turned away from them.

Tetsumi stands one minutes longer than Akashi. Her cerulean eyes take each of her former teammates' appearance before she stopped on the dark blue haired ace once again. He still looks the same for her; his sapphire blue eyes which looked back at her still gleamed with that same fire of his which she had seen on their third year when they were in middle school. That fire... was something that will consume you if you're not careful when you gaze upon it. It was the same fire which she seen when he first changed.

Although when she looks at it again; she can see a flicker of something else behind that fire. It was the same look which she thought she had seen on his face too before when she appeared alongside with Akashi. The dark blue haired teen had looked at her in longing, betrayal and was it hurt that she had seen? But before she can even comprehend it, those expression have vanished as quickly as when it appears; his nonchalant expression replacing it. It was as if she had just imagined all of it.

But she was sure that her eyes didn't lie to her, still even though what she had seen on his face was true; there's nothing she can do about it. In the end, she turned away from him as she quickly walk away from there so she can catch up with Akashi. After all, she had long decided her choice and it was Aomine who had made her strengthen her resolve and took that decision. So, no matter how much longing she holds for the dark blue haired ace and no matter how much regrets Aomine feels; all of it doesn't mean anything. Because she had decided and no matter how much it pained her, she will walk forward and try to forget about him.

'_He was after all nothing but a past… One which is there to strengthen my resolves…'_ She thought inwardly. At least, that was what she tried to believe even if her heart screamed otherwise.

* * *

_There comes a time in life where you have to accept and move on,_

_Hope and never look back, smile and forget the pain_

_And most importantly, love and let go…_

* * *

**Authoress' Note:** This is my first attempt on writing a Kuroko no Basuke story, so do forgive me if there are some errors in it and if I somehow make them OOC. Anyway, I have read some Kuroko no Basuke stories especially one with this pairing in it. And I should say that after reading some of the stories which involved a gender bending Kuroko; I can't help but found myself drawn to it. Then, I just got this idea within my mind about Kuroko went to Rakuzan alongside with Akashi after he asked her. So yeah, I decided to write one with that idea in mind.

Tetsumi is the name that I decided to use for female Kuroko in this story. I want to write how Tetsumi is still feeling something towards Aomine and how she tried to move on from it. Akashi was there to watch over her, hence the reason why he asked her to come with him and even though he rarely said anything about it; I want to show that Akashi is indeed care about Tetsumi in his own way. I hope I managed to give you that kind of impression. Because truthfully, I found it rather difficult to portray Akashi's personalities.

Anyway, what do you think about the interaction between Aomine and Tetsumi? Do you like it? Or find it unsatisfying? Please do tell me what you think of it. Because I really try my best to show how those little moments were so important for Tetsumi's. Thank you for reading this story anyway. Please give me your review so I know what you think of this story of mine. And no flame please because I'm still an amateur. Have a nice day~


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